We were working on a Cloud Migration Project way up North, and I got to sit down with the CEO of the North Pole, Chris Claus. Here’s that interview.
CEO Spotlight: Chris Claus
What was your professional journey before coming to the firm?
I started out as a toymaker in a small workshop up North—literally, the North Pole. Duh. It was just me, a few hand tools, and a dream. I provided toys to Inuit and Yupik children (you call them “Eskimos,” but they don’t like that—and neither do I). They taught me the most important skill for living way up north: how to stay warm.
I perfected my craft and decided to expand operations. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of hiring elves. Big mistake. Huge. They seemed eager at first, but once they figured out they had leverage—boom—they unionized. Now I’ve got shop stewards, mandatory break rooms, and a grievance committee. Do you know how hard it is to run a global logistics operation when your entire workforce demands “living wages” and “reasonable working conditions”? They aren’t even human!
I’ve been in this gig for over 1,700 years, and let me tell you: the good old days were better.
What is your role at the firm? Please explain what you do.
I’m the CEO… but really I’m the Chief Logistics Officer of the largest one-night delivery operation in human history.
My day-to-day includes global supply chain coordination, real-time route optimization across multiple time zones, and managing an aging fleet of reindeer that frankly should have been replaced a century ago. Rudolph’s nose is starting to dim. Prancer and Dancer are going through an ugly divorce.
And somehow I’m also responsible for customer relations, which is a nightmare because nobody reads the terms and conditions. “Nice or Naughty” isn’t subjective, people—it’s a legally binding behavioral contract. Now I’m dealing with discrimination lawsuits. Hey—if you are naughty, you are naughty. It’s not negotiable! Look in the mirror. It’s easy to fix… GET NICE!
What do you like best about your role at the firm?
Honestly? The one night a year when I’m not dealing with elf union negotiations or reindeer maintenance issues.
There’s something magical about Christmas Eve: the quiet hum of the sleigh, the glow of the lights below, and knowing that for 24 hours I don’t have to answer a single email.
Also, the eggnog. Specifically, eggnog with a healthy pour of good Kentucky bourbon. That’s the real Christmas miracle right there.
As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
A blacksmith, actually. I loved working with my hands, creating things from raw materials. Ironically, I ended up doing exactly that—just with toys instead of horseshoes and cool bad-ass knives and swords.
Though I’ll be honest: if I’d known this job would involve performance reviews for elves and OSHA compliance audits, I might have stuck with metalworking.
What are some of your favorite hobbies?
I’m a big bourbon enthusiast. I’ve got a collection that would make a Kentucky distiller seriously weep. I’m talking Double Eagle Very Rare 20 Year, Old Fitzgerald 8 Year Bond, George T. Stagg Straight, Pappy Van Winkle 20—and my favorite, Colonel E. H. Taylor 18 Year Marriage Straight.
I also enjoy woodworking when I can find the time, though the elves have taken over most of the workshop. Lately, I’ve been getting into competitive sleigh racing in the off-season. Turns out Dasher’s great-great-great grandson, Hasher from Colorado, has some real speed when he’s not hauling ten tons of toys.
And I read—a lot. You’ve got a lot of downtime in the Arctic.
Who do you admire most in your life?
Mrs. Claus, without question. She’s been putting up with my nonsense for centuries, manages the entire North Pole household, and somehow keeps the elves from staging a full-scale revolt every December.
She’s also the only person who can tell me when I’m being unreasonable—which, according to her, is “constantly.” She’s the real MVP of this operation.
And she still tastes like peppermint.
Can you share something unique that has happened in your life?
Oh, where do I even start?
I’ve been stuck in chimneys more times than I can count. I once got detained by Homeland Security in 2003 because apparently flying into restricted airspace without a flight plan is “a federal offense.” And don’t even get me started on the Great Reindeer Stomach Flu of 1847. I felt sorry for anyone walking under my sleigh that year.
But the most unique thing? Probably the time I had to negotiate a collective bargaining agreement with the elves. Three months of mediation—and I still lost dental coverage in the deal.
I am a little worried about ICE detaining me because my Green Card expired decades ago. Maybe they’ll look the other way since I live in a land of ice. I think many of them are still mad about making the Naughty list.
Who is your favorite superhero?
That’s easy: The Flash.
Imagine how quick I could deliver all those damn gifts. That guy understands the importance of speed and efficiency. Also, he doesn’t have to deal with reindeer that refuse to fly in bad weather or elves filing grievances about “unsafe working conditions” because the workshop is “too cold.”
It’s the North Pole, people. What did you expect?
What is your favorite book?
The Art of War by Sun Tzu.
You’d be surprised how applicable ancient military strategy is to managing a workforce of several thousand elves and coordinating a global delivery operation. “Know your enemy” has been particularly useful during union negotiations.
What is your favorite movie?
Die Hard. It’s a Christmas movie—don’t @ me.
Also, I relate to John McClane: one guy trying to save the day while everyone around him makes his job harder. Plus, it’s got that Christmas spirit of perseverance and bourbon. Well—whiskey in his case, but close enough.
What is your favorite food?
Homemade cookies. The real deal—not those store-bought garbage pucks people leave out. Seriously, folks: cookies bought in the so-called bakery aisle at the supermarket taste like sugared cardboard.
You need to fuel Santa. I’m talking grandma’s secret recipe—fresh from the oven, still warm.
And for the love of all that is holy: stop leaving me milk. I’m lactose intolerant! Have been for 400 years. Leave bourbon. Leave a nice old-world red wine. But please—no more milk. My stomach can’t take it.
Old-world wine = Italy, France, Spain. None of that pesticide-enriched California crap. Gives me the runs.
Where is your favorite place to visit?
Anywhere warm. I spend 364 days a year in subzero temperatures. Give me a beach in the Caribbean, a bourbon distillery in Kentucky, or a cabin in the Rockies during summer—just somewhere I can thaw out and not have to wear this ridiculous red, hot, itchy suit.
What is your favorite binge-worthy television series?
The Office. Michael Scott reminds me of half my elf managers: well-meaning, but completely incompetent.
Also, the episode where they form a union? Hit a little too close to home.
But honestly, it’s nice to watch someone else deal with workplace chaos for a change. Makes me feel better about my own situation.
Santa will be taking a well-deserved vacation in January. Please direct all North Pole inquiries to Mrs. “Peppermint” Claus.
